the only hope for me is you
by il-sole-le-stelle
Summary: And we are just two broken people, finding solace in each other.


The sheets of her bed were tangled around her as she twisted and turned in her sleep. Perspiration stuck her clothes to her back and her hair was damp. She dreamt she was running away from the clockwork automatons, running as fast as her feet could take her. She could not remember how far she had run, other than the fact that her shoes were torn from the friction against the cobblestones. She must have run quite a distance. Turning into a corner, she ran straight into the arms of the last person she had hoped to meet- the Magister. His voice in her ears, he told her she would never get away from him. She writhed in his arms, trying to get out of his iron-tight grasp, but he had help from the automatons, who had just caught up with her. They gagged her and bound her feet together, cutting off any plans she had for escaping. Willing herself to change into someone smaller in size, like Jessamine, the familiar sensation of another layer washing over her did not come. She was stuck as who she was, at a time when her identity did not matter. Someone covered her nose with a cloth and the next thing she knew, she blacked out.

She did not wake up from her nightmares. Not yet. Her dream transported her back to the warehouse, where she met Nate for the second time disguised as Jessamine. That night's events went past her in a blur, as if everything was fast forwarded, as she tried to discern what was happening around her. When the dreamscape finally cleared, she found herself kneeling on the floor in front of Nate, trying to stop the bleeding with her jacket. But his blood continued to soak into her jacket, as she watched the light in his eyes fade slowly. He choked on his words as he fought to get them out, "You were always- the good one. I'm going to burn, Tessie. Tessie, where's your angel?" He asked her, his eyes searching her neck for the chain of the necklace.

"I couldn't wear it. I was pretending to be Jessamine."

"You- must- wear it" Blood flooded his throat as he tried to talk. He coughed and Tessa saw the blood flowing out from the sides of his mouth. "Wear it always. You swear?"

This time in her dream, she nodded her head instead and whispered as his eyes widened, the colour in his cheeks draining away, "And I forgive you, Nate."

It was then she jolted awake, her hand immediately pressed against her racing heart. There was a dull hollow ache in her chest, where she knew she still grieved for her brother who was lost to her forever. She wanted to hate him; it would have made things so much easier. To pretend that he was no one to her, to pretend that what he did had not hurt her so deeply. But she could not. Every single night she dreamt of him, his death replayed over and over again, like an eternal loop. And she would always tell him she forgave him for what he did, even though she knew on that day itself, her feelings had been conflicted. Every single time she saw the light go out in his blue eyes, so bright as compared to her plain gray ones, it felt as if someone had stabbed her in the heart with a blunt object. Pain flared, and then as soon as it came, the pain receded, yet the remnants of it could be felt.

Dragging herself out of bed, she wrapped herself in a dressing gown and left her room, closing the door quietly behind her. She walked across the hallway to Jem's room, as she fingered the jade pendant hanging around her neck. He would know what to do, what to say to her to make her feel better. As she neared his room, the faint melody of a tune foreign to her drifted from the crack of Jem's bedroom door. She pushed it open slightly and found him standing by the window, playing his violin. His eyes were closed, as his fingers pressed onto adjacent strings and his bow moving with enough speed to play the double stops. She felt his pain through the music, each note resounding throughout the room and in her heart. With each series of double stops leading into the melody, the remnants of her pain made their appearance several times, each time stronger than the previous one. Sinking down onto the floor and wrapping her arms around herself, she took several deep breaths to force the sensation of pain away. It was then she realized the music had stopped and Jem was now in front of her, worry written all over his face. She felt the slightly hardened tips of his finger across her cheek, characteristic of a violinist, wiping a tear that had escaped. He released the vice-like hold of her arms around her waist, gathering her in his arms as they both attempted to stand up.

"Tessa, are you alright?" he asked as they both managed to stand up.

She nodded, not knowing what else to say.

"What happened?"

"It's -" she choked on his name and the ache in her chest grew more pronounced. Pushing aside the pain, she struggled to get the words out. "It's Nate. I've been having nightmares of the day he died. And it hurts, my chest just hurts so much." Her hand was pressed against her chest, this time not to slow her racing heart, but to suppress her pain, hoping that the harder she pressed down, the less pain she would feel.

"Look at me, Tessa," he whispered, lifting her face up so that she could look at him. She saw her reflection in his clear silver eyes, exactly the way he was seeing her. "It's alright. Nothing's going to hurt you while I'm here, not even your nightmares." He kissed her on the forehead once, then twice.

"You're hurting too, aren't you?" She brushed a stray lock of hair away from his eyes. "That piece. I felt it."

"I would be lying if I tell you otherwise," he answered her frankly, looking away briefly. "Will's behaviour, how my time is running out, how I would not be able to spend all the time I wanted with you. So many goodbyes, but so little time to say them all."

"Don't you talk about goodbyes, James Carstairs. No one is saying goodbye yet. Not even you."

"It's sooner than later, Tessa," he told her as his fingers lingered along her cheek, down her jaw to her neck. She caught his fingers and brought them to her lips, kissing them one by one.

"No, I refuse to think of it that way."

"Tessa." He shook his head, pulling her closer to him. "I am not giving up hope; I am just being realistic. I don't know how much more time I have, but I know I do not intend to waste the remaining time I have." He brought his head down and his mouth was over hers, his lips moving against hers, as she parted them.

Her arms circled his neck, pulling him closer to her and deepening the kiss. He carefully released the tie of her dressing gown and she felt it fall to the ground. His hands brushed against her collarbone as he trailed kisses down the side of her neck, sending heat coursing through her, driving the dull pain in her chest away with every single one. He stopped at the spot right between her neck and her shoulder, his lips brushing against her warm skin, teasing and agonizing.

She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt, her hands shaking as she undid the buttons on his shirt, tugging impatiently while trying to remove it. Pulling away from her temporarily, he shrugged off his shirt before his lips found hers again. She bit on his lower lip, eliciting a gasp from him. His hands wandered down the side of her body, caressing her shoulders down to her waist and the curve of her hips.

The hem of her nightgown had ridden up, exposing much of her legs. His fingers trailed down her thighs deftly, sending pleasant shivers down to her feet, causing her to go weak in the knees. She traced the faint Marks on his chest, the feel of her fingers against his bare skin sending his senses into overdrive. He pulled her against him as they tumbled onto the bed, with her on top of him, her head resting directly on his chest as she listened to his heartbeat slow down with hers. Rolling over to her side, she wrapped one arm around him as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Jem?" she asked, as she continued drawing patterns on his skin with the other hand. "Do you think the pain will go away?"

"Someday, I think it would. I used to think music was my only solace, when I was hurting. Now, I have you. The inscription on the jade pendant, '_When two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron and bronze.' _You are my solace; you take my pain away every time I am with you. And I hope I am the same for you too."

Her fingers laced in his, she replied, "Yes, you are." _And we are just two broken people, finding solace in each other._


End file.
